tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66694312523354472032023-11-15T08:12:25.979-08:00Pluviophilic InkwellsSee beauty in the little thingsEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-65662046776606346462018-01-20T16:38:00.000-08:002018-01-20T16:38:03.361-08:00PoliticsI am going to open this post by saying that I know very little about the more complicated aspects of politics. I don't know much about healthcare plans, economics, or any of that sort of stuff. So maybe I'm not qualified to bring up politics, but I'm absolutely doing it anyways. Because I am beginning to realize that I will be voting in the next presidential election after barely missing the last one. And that thought terrifies me, because I don't know where to vote. But I know I will have to.<br />
As a pro-life, traditional, Catholic teen from a conservative Catholic family, I grew up assuming I would always vote Republican, no questions asked. But in the last year or two, I have realized that I don't like the idea of casting my vote in with the right-wing party. I really don't like that idea. However, I absolutely also know that I <i>cannot</i> vote for a pro-abortion party, no matter what. This is not about any two presidential candidates, but about the two sides that our country has divided itself into. This leaves me with a perplexing conundrum, that I am quite certain I am not alone in.<br />
<br />
I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with the right-wing, militant, hard-and-proud sort of mindset that our Republicans so often display. I believe in the right to bear arms in the name of freedom. I believe in the right to free speech. I absolutely believe that maintaining these freedoms is <i>imperative </i>to our country's sanity. A lot of left-wing liberals want to undermine this. Yet I see far too many right-wingers who are so determined to maintain these freedoms that they downright abuse them. I don't like the attitude of the trigger-friendly men who buy huge piles of guns (machines whose sole purpose is death and pain) as a hobby. I don't like it when people condemn racism and then in the same breath say that "if black people would just stop talking like that maybe we'd take them more seriously". I don't like it when people use their freedom of speech to make out that real, living people in a state of distress and fear are nothing but "whining snowflakes". I don't like the pride that the right wing takes in how hard-shelled, stoic, and unemotional they are. I don't like the right wing's dehumanization tactics of making so many people the "Other", be it immigrants, the LGBT, or those of other races. I'm not saying we should change our views on the non-negotiables like abortion or gay "marriage", but I think the entire right wing could learn a <i>lot </i>from our left-wing brothers and sisters about compassion.<br />
I disagree with a lot of liberal thought. I think it goes without saying that I do not agree with large parts of their agenda. Yet, I can't help but be impressed with the compassion and heart that they show, the love and concern for each other that is so lacking in the right-wing. Sure, maybe their philosophy and logic are off (<i>way</i> off, in some cases), but let's be honest, at the root of it all are a bunch of people who just want everyone to be happy and warm and safe. And that, I think, could get us much further towards the dream if it could only be guided in the right direction. There is a selfless, automatic sort of love that they reach out with, particularly in matters like immigration, that the right wing, including me, should take notes on.<br />
We need to end this holocaust that is abortion. We need to end the hypersexual rape culture. We need to end racism. We need to end the porn and human trafficking. We need to end the ostracism and "Other"-ing of the LGBT. We need to end the hate and anger that's living in both parties. And if a party is only interested in ending the half of these issues that suit them, I can't, in good conscience, count myself as one of them. We are a deeply ill country. We have forgotten who we are. Our men have forgotten how to be men, and our women how to be women. Our children have forgotten how to be children, and our adults how to be adults. But most of all, we have forgotten that it's not an "us and them" situation. It's an "us", an <i>"all of us"</i> situation. We belong to each other. Mother Teresa of Calcutta says, "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other." I agree with her. We will not have the peace and unity that we all want in our country until we can put on our big-boy shoes and remember that we belong to each other. We can't tear each other apart and then be surprised at the pain. It's time to stop looking down on each other as stupid and hateful and time to start working together.<br />
<br />
It seems to me that our left-wingers are all heart but no head, and our right-wingers are all head and absolutely no heart. Yet everyone just accepts this and tries to choose the lesser evil. Both sides know their flaws, at least to some extent. Both sides are settling for less. <i>So why is there no third option? </i>Why is taking the best of both worlds not an option? Why isn't there a head <i>and </i>heart option? Why do we sigh in defeat and pick the only-slightly-better option? I know am not alone in my discomfiture with where things are, in this need to find a third option. Why do we not do anything?<br />
I am very young, uneducated on this topic, and honestly rather afraid to voice my opinions on things like this. I have no battle plan. I know nothing at all other than the fact that we need something to change. And I'm starting with this blog post.<br />
We need to build a third option.Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-15620322349954606862017-08-13T14:49:00.002-07:002017-08-13T14:49:11.310-07:00Less is not more
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">It’s not about how little we can do. It’s not about how much we can get
away with without having to face consequences. The world is far too often
operated by people skirting various lines. And that’s not how it should be.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">“I know that was a little passive-aggressive, but at least I wasn’t
downright </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">mean</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;"> or anything.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">“I mean, she’s kind of my friend, but it’s not like I owe her anything.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">“Well, it’s not like anybody </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">cares</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;">
if I argue in the comment section.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: calibri;">“That wasn’t </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">really</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;"> racist.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: calibri;">“Well, cussing isn’t </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">exactly</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;"> a sin. It’s not that hurtful.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: calibri;">If you have to rationalize,
compare, or question whether or not to do it, you probably shouldn’t.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">I mean,
shouldn’t we be trying to be the brightest, cleanest, kindest human beings we
can? Shouldn’t we be giving each other the most love and help possible? It
won’t do to compare notes on ‘what, </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">exactly</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;">,
constitutes as an inappropriate joke’. Is there a line? Yes, absolutely. But if
you find yourself questioning whether or not your joke crosses it, it probably
does. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: calibri;">Don’t ask whether what you’re
doing is crossing over into the land of wrongdoings. Ask if it’s the best you
can give, or if you’d be proud of it later. Don’t ask whether it’s exactly
wrong to say passive aggressive things to that poor cashier, ask if it’s the
best you can do. Nobody cares whether arguing online is wrong or not, but we
all know it’s not anybody’s finest moment. And sure, maybe road rage is
satisfying, but are you ever proud of it later? Is that the best you can do? Is
that all you have to offer the world? Odds are, it’s not. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: calibri;">Why are we constantly questioning
whether we </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">have</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;"> to do things for each
other, instead of just doing them because it’s kind? Why can’t we shower love
and joy on everyone, whether we owe it to them or not? Whether we even </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">know</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;"> them or not? Our life shouldn’t be
about skirting around rules and questioning whether what we want to say is mean
or just a little bit rude. Life isn’t about how much we get, it’s how much we
give. And why question who deserves what we have to give? Give everything you
have to everyone you see, even if (or especially if) they wouldn’t give you the
time of day. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: calibri;">As for my fellow Christians, our
relationship with our Lord and Lover should not be about asking ourselves, “But
is that really a </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">mortal</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;"> sin?” or “I
mean, I don’t </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: calibri;">have</span></i><span style="font-family: calibri;"> to pray every day
to be a good Christian, right?” It should be about cherishing every moment we
have with Him. It should be about wanting Him so desperately and deeply that we
can’t wait for a spare moment of prayer. It should be about always wanting to
give Him our very best, about wanting to be our cleanest and purest for Him
always and at all times. It shouldn’t be about whether or not He expressly
forbid doing whatever that fishy thing you want to do is. It shouldn’t be about
whether He requires exactly fifteen minutes of prayer each day. It should be a
romance of stealing away to whisper to Him. It should be a quick, hidden glance
of love and intimacy with Him in a roomful of people. It should be running away
from a formal dance to search for the adoration chapel, and returning from your
tryst with starry eyes and blushing cheeks! (cough cough somebody I know <3) Your relationship shouldn’t be you following
His rules because He said to. It should be you desperate to follow the rules
and give Him your best effort because you would hate to disappoint and hurt
your Lover’s heart.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: calibri;">Give everybody all the love and
joy and kindness you can muster. Be the brightest person.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-12160602025934624772017-05-19T19:26:00.003-07:002017-05-19T19:28:01.662-07:00Little Lights<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I know your
heart is breaking now</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">For things I
didn’t do</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But in good
time you’ll come to see</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">That you’ll know
what to do</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The glassy
tears your eyes have shed</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Are lenses
for the world</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">They’ll help
you see in clearer light</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The things you’ve always heard</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Tears turn
lights into diadems</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Of sparkling
starlit hues</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And like a
fractal, break the night</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Into a
million views</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">They’ve
always said that tears will blur</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And make you
see awry</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But you’ll
see the softer edge of things</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Without
having to try</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Yes, hearts
will often make a mess</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And tears
drip from their sides</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But the
wetness on your cheeks will dry</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And you’ll
see that it’s alright</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-1526086502464519352017-03-19T15:20:00.005-07:002017-03-19T15:21:29.290-07:00Forgive to Forget<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">When I was
younger</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I thought
forgiveness was </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">A decision</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">That you
made once </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And that the words</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“I forgive
you”</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Were all it
took</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">To forgive
and forget</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But I’m
starting to realize</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Forgiveness
is</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">A decision</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Yes, that’s
true</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But
sometimes</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">You have to
forgive</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The same person</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The same
situation</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The same
fault</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The same
pain</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Every day
every hour every moment</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">For far too
long</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">You think
you’ve forgiven</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And then you
realize you haven’t</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And you have
to forgive again</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It turns out</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">That you
don’t </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Forgive and
forget</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">You keep
forgiving</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And then at
some point</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">You forget</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And it’s
only when you’ve forgotten</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">That you’ve
forgiven all the way</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">You don’t
forgive </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">and</span></i><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> forget</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">You forgive </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">to</span></i><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> forget</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-42083145542095133062017-02-26T18:58:00.004-08:002017-02-26T18:58:56.467-08:00Slave to HopeI had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. This person, who I will call X, was contemplating the worth of living and whether or not committing suicide would be better. X said that death would be freedom from the bondage of life. That embracing death as a friend is the result of a sudden clarity of thought. <br />
I replied that it was not freedom, but slavery, to feel that death is the only way to happiness and peace. It's not freedom to believe that you can only be at peace by killing yourself. <br />
X proceeded to tell me I was a slave to hope. That slavery is only a term used to denote something humanity deems inappropriate. That just because something makes you feel good doesn't mean it doesn't have mastery over you. That slavery is slavery, whether it's to something generally deemed good or to something generally deemed bad. <br />
At the time, I was distraught and only replied that if that were so, I would rather be a slave to hope than death. Which is true. <br />
However, it was a thought provoking moment. I started to wonder whether one really could be a slave to hope. And I've decided that you can't. <br />
To back up a bit for perspective, all things that are good are hard. Everything of worth is hard to attain. Everything that is desirable takes effort. It is easy to settle for less and sin. It is easy to be apathetic and full of vice. It is far too easy to give into temptation. But it is hard to be a person of virtue. It takes a lifetime of repetitive struggling in what seems to be a futile fight against temptation to become a saint. It often seems like a one-step-forward-two-steps-back situation. Nobody ever said it would be easy to be good.<br />
Hope is a virtue. Hope is inherently good. And yet hope is one of the hardest virtues, at least for me, but I think for most. It is hard to hope. Can you be a slave to something that requires a dirty struggle every time you reach for it?<br />
I'd argue no. <br />
Most mental slaveries you hear about are only slaveries because of how easy it is to get caught. Porn, drugs, self-harm, lust, despair, they're all far too easy to give in to. It is so easy to get caught in one of these traps, because it feels good, it's simple and straightforward, and takes almost no effort. You rarely have to exert personal emotional effort to get addicted. You only need personal emotional effort to get out of one of these addictions. They are easy to get into and hard to get out of. <i>But hope is hard to get into and easy to get out of.</i> Hope takes the hard work first, with no promise of a return of happy feelings. <br />
Now, I suppose you can be a slave to an ideal of hope. The feeling most people equate with hope. But real hope is so hard to come by. I doubt anyone is capable of being a slave to something so hard to fight for. <br />
In fact, if you have progressed so far in you life that you can summon real, raw hope often enough to be "addicted" to it, then I argue that you are, in fact, the master, not the slave. Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-20748165313610476982017-02-26T17:53:00.001-08:002017-02-26T17:53:07.537-08:00Such a PityWe're all searching for the same thing<br />
Running in circles<br />
Breathing out <br />
Endless questions<br />
Of purpose and pain<br />
We're all searching for something<br />
Such a pity<br />
Such a pity only a few of us<br />
Ever see what it is<br />
We're looking forEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-67903180635047668102017-01-25T19:24:00.001-08:002017-01-25T19:24:33.795-08:00Truest RomanceI have often wondered why it is that Christians, and particularly Catholics, are often considered to be close-minded, while atheists are generally considered open-minded. I am not criticizing atheists; I understand the thought process most people go through to make their decisions, and I can respect that without agreeing with them. But logically speaking, it seems to be backwards. One group of people holds that life is what we know with our five sense, that logic and our minds are the highest powers and the most trustworthy, and that life is nothing more than a few decades. And one group of people believes that there are greater things out there, that there are things we cannot sense or grasp, and that life has an infinite, greater meaning. <br />
<br />
I know that as a Catholic, I may be biased. But it seems to me that the first group is more close-minded than the second.<br />
<br />
People who believe the Catholic faith is harsh and rigid and suffocating don't know Catholicism. That could not be farther from the truth. Catholicism is not binding, it's freeing. Catholics are the truest and most starry-eyed of romantics. <br />
<br />
We believe that there is a world out there full of power and light and blinding love and pure awe. A world that we couldn't begin to imagine. A world of infinite peace and eternal love. We believe that a Being, with power beyond anyone's imagination, created our world, that is so vast to us, and put each of us in it on an individual level. That He looked at the world and thought it needed a me, and a you. That this Being, this Lord of all Lords, looked at his infinitesimally tiny, dirty little creations, and loved us <i>so much</i> that He became as low and tiny and dirty and insignificant as we are. Just to secure our happiness. And that after becoming that low, and willingly suffering a terrible death, He ensured a miracle, every day, every moment, in the Eucharist, just to remind us.<br />
<br />
We believe that mercy can be infinite and forgiveness always available. That there is always a higher power watching our back. That our life here on earth is full of pain and suffering because <i>it's just a test</i>. It's just a tiny test of a few decades to see whether we can choose eternal joy, and if we can do our best with what we're given, we'll receive an infinite amount of perfection. That all the dirtiness and ugliness on this earth is there for a reason, and a very good reason. That suffering is cleansing, strengthening.<br />
<br />
We believe that true love is a tie that's eternal. That what is bound in love can't be broken, no matter what. That sexual love is something so sacred and beautiful at its purest that it reflects the Trinity. That humans are like tiny little mirrors, little windows, whose sole purpose is to let God shine through them. That with help, we can let through a ray of light so bright it blinds the world, and shines out into the eternal world beyond that. That the God who made all that exists chooses to use us how He pleases.<br />
<br />
We believe that no one is ever too far gone to turn around. No villain is beyond a perfect redemption arc. We believe that it is the lowliest, the most downtrodden, who will be the highest in the end. That the littlest things in life, done with the most love and intent, end up meaning just as much as bigger things. That you can change the world just a tiny bit at a time. That kindness and virtue are always noticed and rewarded.<br />
<br />
We believe that there is something- Someone- out there, who is full of so much beauty and power and love, that He is obliged to keep Himself from us to keep from overwhelming us. That He can show us the tiniest corner of Him, and we will be consumed for days, years, even lifetimes, with unimaginable joy and strength. That the tiniest closeness from Him strikes peace deep within us. <br />
<br />
That there is a Love so deep, so chillingly, strikingly deep, that it will always, <i>always</i> take us back, always choose us, with open arms and joy.<br />
<br />
Catholicism's deepest nature is joy and romance and the unthinkably beautiful. Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-83947655562434920482017-01-11T18:24:00.003-08:002017-01-11T18:24:51.660-08:00Hope and twenty-one pilotsA while ago, I read this fantastic blog post on LifeTeen:<br />
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<a href="http://lifeteen.com/blog/hope-doesnt-always-feel-good/">http://lifeteen.com/blog/hope-doesnt-always-feel-good/</a><br />
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And it set me to thinking, as usual. It's something that had never occurred to me, that hope might not feel hopeful. That maybe I don't have to feel bubbly and happy to be hopeful. It's only been in the last couple years that I'm realizing emotions aren't as straightforward as they maybe ought to be. That maybe you can practice a virtue without feeling the virtue. That maybe you don't have to feel anything for it to be real. That maybe God withholds emotional reward as a test, a trial.<br />
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I've always been convinced that love is a choice and not a feeling. I think that also applies to hope, and probably a lot of other abstract ideas and emotions. I think hope is more of a gritty determination to cling to something than a floaty feeling. I think it maybe doesn't even fully feel like determination. I think hope is the subtlest abstract idea, sneaking in before you can realize you're being hopeful and then disappearing when you think you are hopeful. I think most of the time, it feels like nothing. After all, hope isn't wholeheartedly itself until you're hoping against the odds. And if you feel happy and hopeful, then <i>how easy is it to hope??</i> Too easy. I have a strange conviction that things don't begin to honestly count until they're hard and begin to hurt. That may be hope, but if it is, it's a lesser hope, a not-quite-full hope. I heard somewhere that hope is the only thing that's stronger than fear. I'm not sure I agree with that, but I <i>do</i> think hope is too linked to fear to be just a happy feeling. As the linked blogpost says, "hope belongs in darkness". <br />
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I think hope is a conscious decision that fear is temporary, even if it doesn't feel temporary. Deciding that fear doesn't have to affect your life, take over and shove you aside. That you can out-wait it, outlive it, and come out at the end. That it can get inside your head but it can't get to your soul. Hope is recognizing the beauty in suffering. Hope is recognizing that even if life sucks, you can come out of it better. Hope is retaining yourself, your blind trust in God, through the stuff life throws at you. And I think most of the time, hope doesn't feel like anything, let alone something good.<br />
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In contemplating this, I realized the answer to a question I've long wondered: why do I like twenty-one pilots? They are absolutely unlike any of the music I usually like. They're loud, and bleak, and a little insane sometimes. They're not my moody indie coffeehouse music or cutesie ukulele love songs, even if their lyrics are genius and gorgeous. And I only listen to them in my worst moods. <br />
I think it's because they're a little bit like hope. There is such a disconnect between what they say explicitly, what they say implicitly, and what they sound like. Not always in the same way. But they're always a conundrum. At first glance, they're depressing, and harsh, and a little insane. But lots of their music has hopeful undertones. Lots of "nothing's okay, but that's okay, it's not supposed to be, so hang in there until it is". <br />
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It doesn't feel hopeful. It doesn't look hopeful. It doesn't smell hopeful. <i>But it is.</i>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-32130261093820110712017-01-03T12:03:00.002-08:002017-01-03T12:03:45.603-08:00The Inevitable Love-Post"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin if your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." - C. S. Lewis<br />
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This man is a genius. I know people who do seem to believe that they can avoid pain if they just never love, never give, and never feel. People who are afraid of their feelings. Who are afraid to love. And on a certain level, I wholeheartedly understand. <br />
Love hurts. In fact, lots of the time, love hurts as often as it feels good. And love-pain is coincidentally the most painful sort of hurt there is. Because love, true love, whether platonic, familial, or romantic, is the most intimately unselfish act. <br />
There are plenty of other ways to give and to be intimate. But with all the other ways to give, you give things. Money, food, stuff, time, work, impersonal things. You don't give your actual self. And there are plenty of ways to be intimate without love. I think lots of the time people say they love each other without realizing that they're merely intimate with the person, and don't love them. <br />
Love combines the giving and the intimacy, and the deepest depths of both. That's why love is the truest and the most painful thing you can do. <br />
But let's be honest. Our world, people in this time, we're all ridiculously terrified of pain and sickness and suffering. We're creatures of comfort, and instant gratification, and if we're not completely comfortable right now and always, we run to do whatever we can to fix ourselves until we're comfortable again. But nobody ever said that we should be comfortable all the time. Nobody has ever grown through comfort. If you ask anyone in this world to name a time when they grew the most, they will undoubtedly name a time when they suffered. And usually it was love's fault, a lack of love, a breaking off of love, unreciprocated love, but always love. <br />
Lewis' use of words like motionless, airless, and impenetrable really get to me. He's so right. You can lock it all away, pretend you don't have a heart, and you won't hurt. It's true. But you won't grow. You won't live. Without love, without your heart doing what it was meant to do, it will be stagnant. And in the end, you'll be more unhappy. Not in pain. But discontented.<br />
Humans were made to love. We wouldn't have a million blog-posts like this about it, and there would be no discussion of love, if we weren't supposed to love. We are supposed to love and break and hurt and grow and love again, because it's what we do best. We're resilient like that. <br />
Mother Theresa told us to "love until it hurts" which I initially disagree with, when it's by itself. Don't love only until it hurts. Love past that. Love until it hurts and then love more, harder. That place past the hurt is where the second part of her quote comes in, the part I agree with because it changes the first part. <br />
"I have found the paradox that, if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love."<br />
Love is always going to hurt. It's equal parts joy and pain, and that, in and of itself, is what makes it so special and true. If someone loves you past the pain, then it really is love.Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-29049616310122317882016-12-30T12:38:00.000-08:002016-12-30T12:38:04.953-08:00Little One"Little one, <br />
why are you so concerned about your aching heart? <br />
It's nothing, <br />
Made of fragile flesh and dust and nothing more. <br />
But your soul... <br />
Oh darling, your precious soul! <br />
It's made of starlight and warmth and immortality<br />
Of things that last and matter. <br />
It's made as I AM. <br />
Think of your soul, my love."Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-89949772567307896192016-12-27T15:36:00.001-08:002016-12-27T16:50:55.235-08:00Clarisse McClellan Appreciation PostTo be perfectly in character, I will start off my blog with an appreciation post for Clarisse McClellan of Fahrenheit 451, a most fascinating and underrated character. Clarisse is by far one of my favorite characters in anything, ever. Hands down. She is a contradiction and an odd duck, but she is lovely. <br />
To start off, she is the only character who is truly alive and present. She is the only one who looks at the world, thinks about the world. She appreciates the world for its crunchy leaves, the man in the moon, the rain, the stars, the wildflowers, all the little beautiful things that I desperately wish I could appreciate more. She hikes, watches birds, collects butterflies, walks in the rain, and basically does all the lovely things I yearn to do. She has a sense of disdain for the all-enveloping "parlor walls" (huge tv screens), the reckless car-racing, the violence and senselessness and rashness of everyone else in the world. She knows more of the world and looks for more of the world than the rest of everyone put together. And yet, she is somehow also the least worldly, the least attached to the earth. Ray Bradbury treats her as almost otherworldly, slightly insane and not all there, not present. He speaks about her like a will o' the wisp or a force of nature. She is not tied to the technology and the parlor walls and the people and everything that has already enveloped the rest of the world. She's somehow beyond and past that. In short, she is my ideal of being wholeheartedly in the world, but not of the world.<br />
She is also completely candid about being herself, with no fear and nothing held back. She says what she thinks, no matter how odd or unusual it is. In one of the very first scenes of the book, she and Guy Montag play the game of rubbing dandelions under their chins to see whether or not they are in love. The focus is on Guy and the fact that he is not in love, though he is married. But what is quickly passed over is that Clarisse is in love, according to the flowers (and flowers always tell the truth). It is my firm belief that she is in love with the world and life and herself, not with a guy. She always shows intense disdain for and even fear of the children her age, the teens who gamble, and kill each other without a second thought, and are silly and violent and young. No, she wouldn't be in love with a boy, not one of those. She is in love with herself, and life, just exactly the way it should be. <br />
She asks the hard questions, the perceptive questions. She's an old soul. She watches people around her, and learns more than all of them put together. She sees that no one is happy. That nobody ever really talks, not about anything real. That Guy isn't like the other firemen and never will be. That nobody looks or loves or learns or listens or does anything real. She knows.<br />
But best of all, she starts something in Guy, and therefore in their unidentified world. She dies not even a fourth of the way into the book and we never see her again. But she sets the ball rolling in him. She wakes him up to himself and the world. That's all she does, really, is ask the hard questions and make people bothered. But it <i>does</i> things, to other people, to relationships, and to the world.<br />
In a way, she's everything I want to be. Alive, in love with the world yet otherworldly, tough and thoughtful and unafraid to be true and wholehearted in everything, always. If I could be half of that, I would be very impressed with myself.<br />
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"What do you do, go around trying everything once?" he asked.<br />
"Sometimes twice."Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6669431252335447203.post-83399964540471738122016-12-27T14:52:00.001-08:002016-12-27T16:51:58.122-08:00Blog!Running a blog is something I have wanted to do for a very long time. After years of writing blog posts solely in the blog of my head, it occurred to me that a real blog would be very quick and easy to actually set up. And as I have a lot that I ought to be doing right now, it seemed the perfect time.<br />
This blog really has no theme or purpose other than to put some of the words inside my head onto something more permanent. You can expect philosophical ramblings on life, my faith, and people, talk of writing, books, and characters, thoughts on my favorite music and lyrics, and all matter of things that definitely sounded better in my head. Also probably lots of quotes from smart people who actually did sound as good outside their head as they did inside. XD<br />
Basically, this will be an adventure in the making. Like life........Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01075033936656729136noreply@blogger.com0